BUILDING AWARENESS

With April beginning comes a time where I will no longer be silent. To people that continue to struggle and do not know where to find help, or when to know when they need it, this one is for you. This is a very important month for me and I hope the same for all of you, Sexual Assault Awareness Month. It took me a very long time to understand what happened to me, how to process it all and how to manage it. You can choose to shape your opinion of me based on what happened to me or you can see how I rose above. The choice is yours and yours alone.

I am proud to be a survivor of sexual assault. Saying that aloud comes with a lot of pressure and follow-up questions like “you’re proud to have been through trauma?” No, I don’t see it that way. I see this as an opportunity to grow, reflect, and get the help necessary to move forward with my life. It took me a long time to realize that what happens to you isn’t always your fault and you are not the one to blame for someone's drunken mistake.

A therapist I once had told me,

That if you ask for tea at first, but no longer want the tea, you can still say no, you don’t want it, at any time.

The woman took almost everything I shared with her and turned it into a British metaphor. It was quite sweet actually, and continued to make me smile.

I want to raise awareness because being sexually assaulted is never okay. There is no one definition of rape. Every experience is different in its own way. So please don’t hide when people tell you, you’re wrong, you’re lying, you’re using it as an excuse. Those people don’t know you, and they definitely don’t know your story. Please remind yourself of this when speaking with others. You may not know what’s going on in their life, week or even the day they had experienced or the moment before crossing paths with you. Be respectful and please be kind. We are all just a part of the human condition.

| Cheers to the ones who are taking it one day at a time | Rosie's Wine Garden

WHEN IT'S TIME TO GET HELP

It took me a very long time to piece together that it was time. I went to several talk therapists since the 8th grade. Talk therapy allowed me to hold back the body memory that I didn’t know I had left in me. I wasn’t healing, I wasn’t getting better, I was adding PTSD to just counteract my anxiety which felt like a nightmare.

When moving to Charlotte, NC, I was referred to an EMDR therapist by a company called Brave Step. Brave Step helps finance therapy for those individuals who have experienced sexual assault. They also provide resources and groups for those who need it. Brave Step gave me 26 sessions for $2 each. I ended up paying $52 when most therapies including EMDR can range up to $5000 for 26 sessions. I truly believe it was a God sent miracle and was my opportunity to gain my life back that I used to love so much.

I knew the therapy itself was going to be tough, reliving it to remodel it, is what I kept telling myself. The purpose of the therapy is to allow you to release your body memories that getting trapped in your nervous system. I didn’t even know a body memory existed until this point. My therapist explained to me, that the incidents also occur to your body, not just your mind. It was starting to make sense, maybe my mind had healed but my body still needed healing.

I went through this therapy for a year. I am very proud to say, I have graduated from the program with my trigger levels down, my life back to normalcy, and my trauma no longer weighing me down. EMDR helped me self-discover who I am, write almost an entire book and counting, gave me the confidence to create a blog, and the bravery to write this post alone. For more information on EMDR therapy, check out the EMDR Institute inc website here.

It is a dream of mine to create a program like Brave Step one day, or a hotline for those who need to talk to someone. I share my story today to help another brave soul speak out about theirs. To create change, and to show in my humble heart I am here for anyone that needs to talk. I know what you’re going through, it’s hard. It’s also hard to watch someone you love struggle with it too. Hold those you love close, my family and my friends and especially my boyfriend have been my biggest supporters through it all.

Wear teal with me on April 6th, the Day of Action, to help support sexual assault survivors. For more information, visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center here.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673. This is a 24 hour hotline. Help is always available, you just need to ask for it.